Name:Harrison Location:United States

The Original Lovable Little Fuzzball

Here's the straight stuff.

The adventures of Harrison are true.
Try a few of his Crunchy Bites for a taste.
--Alpha Human Mom

Monday, December 12, 2005

Lazy, Hazy Days of Christmas

Okay, not hazy, 'cept when AHM lights the fire and forgets to open the damper.

While searchin' the web for my lion, we ran across a few toys 'specially made for you lazy humans. Actually we ran across a lot of toys for lazy humans, but these seem like the most fun for a human and pet to experience together, as well as bein' suitable additions to my growin' Guide to Useless Gifts (Part III).

'Course this first one's not really a toy. In our place, however, ya' never know…

"One thing that sometimes wakes you up at night and prevents you from sleeping is the mosquito or blowfly…flying around your room. You can't and don't want to fall asleep again until you've caught it. These produces adrenalin and requires movements."

Yes. Yes these does. (Who hired Gollum as copywriter?) And the movements usually come from Little Girl careenin' around the room, jaws snappin' and snout bangin' off window panes tryin' to eat the little bugger. If Miss Garbo happens to be visitin', we're treated to the Ebony and Ivory Flyin' Circus. And if Maury gets into the act…well…it's the only time we all cram onto AHM's bed without squabblin'.

"The alarm clock blowfly works like a "blowfly" that at the desire time it escapes from a cage in your room. It starts moving and producing sound around you - to turn it off you should catch it and put it back in the cage."

Keywords: you should catch it. Warnin' not mentioned: keep bedroom doors and windows closed or goD knows where that thing will end up. 'Course we'd just follow LG's trail of mayhem.

We couldn't find a price, but if you're interested, be sure to figure in the cost of all the tables, lamps, mirrors, stereo, TV, and computer equipment within' lungin' 'n swattin' distance.

With cold weather here, nothing's better than crowdin' around the hearth while AHM toasts marshmellows over the fire, then spendin' the next three hours tryin' to scrape that sticky goo off the roof of our mouths and our back molars, not to mention our nose, whiskers, beards, paws, between our toes, etc.

Hmmmm. Just remembered why AHM doesn't toast marshmellows very often.

Anyway, for those of ya' who do, here ya' go. The electric marshmellow toaster. Perfect for those loss-of-power-blizzard-condition nights 'n days since it runs on batteries (not included, of course) and, for the low-low price of only $19.95 (plus shipping and handling), toasts three marshmellows at a time! Wow. At least you'll never want for warm food.

Last, but not least, the one, the only, the ultimate dog toy for incredibly lazy humans.*

"GoDogGo is the first, and still the only, Automatic Fetch Machine for dogs. Yes, now Fido can play fetch by himself…

"[W]ith just a little training (helpful tips are included with each Go Dog Go,) your dog can learn to put the balls back in the bucket for continuous play with GoDogGo."

Since I'm of the "you-threw-it-you-fetch-it" school, this is not high on my list. But it might be nice for somethin' to keep Maury occupied when he's here—'cept we'd never be exactly sure where he'd stuff those balls…

*Dug up at the Big Paws Dog Blog.

posted by Harrison at 10:10 PM


Post a Comment