Life Lesson From a Squirrel

What, do you ask, can you humans learn from this story?

"Two…women are in good condition after being attacked by a squirrel earlier this month… A woman was scratched in the leg and bitten by a squirrel Feb. 16 as she walked from her porch to her car… Three days later, another woman was scratched while she was in an area several blocks away from the first attack…

"[A]nimal control officer Darrell Hornack set traps in the victims' yards, and a squirrel was caught... There were no signs of rabies, but the animal was sent to the county for precautionary measures.

"[Police Chief Paul ] VanDeraa said he believes the incidents occurred because someone has been feeding the squirrel. "I recommend people do not feed squirrels," he said.

Let's review. People feed squirrel. Squirrel likes free food. Squirrel expects free food. Squirrel gets pissed off when free food stops.

Now squirrel could work to find his own food, except squirrel likes gettin' free food. Squirrel decides certain squirrels shouldn't have to work for food, no matter what they put on those itty bitty signs. Instead, squirrel attacks when handouts cease, bitin' the hands that doled out the tax money—er—fed him. Result: no more free food. (Actually, no more squirrel, either, but I won't carry the analogy that far.)

Does anyone see a pattern here?

I suppose we should just be glad squirrel didn't get that big ole' moose involved too.

posted by Harrison at 11:48 PM