Get Real(ity), Demo-cats!

I don't watch TV. That's because I can't see the picture--most of us canines don't see very well, which is why we spend so much of our time nose to the ground. (There's a downside to that, but I'll go into it later.) Except for those sight hounds, of course, like the Borzoi and Irish Wolfhounds and Rhodesian Ridgebacks--Meryl Yourish's dog friends Worf and Willow--and Greyhounds. You probably already knew about Greyhounds. (I figure Greyhounds have no sense of smell 'cause they get so hot to chase a stupid mechanical rabbit around a track. C'mon guys--take a deep breath! Rabbits do not smell like WD-40!)

Anyway, like I said, I don't watch TV even though I occasionally like to pull AHM's chain and stare at that weird blob as if I did. We hear it though--doorbells always get Some Dogs excited--idiots. Usually we hear it too well. I guess I'm lucky AHM didn't turn on that Demo-cat convention. Frankly, I've heard enough screaming and squealing and snarling from that crowd to last me forever. (And boy, am I glad I never have to smell them!)

The other night AHM was talkin' about the convention and reading me an article from Yahoo News. Brian Lowry had some suggestions about how to make the Demo-cats more interesting. That's a lost cause, IMO (notice how I’m getting' the hang of this Internet shortpaw lingo), but his suggestions sure made AHM laugh. And since the news today is that the ratings are in the kitty litter pan, it seems the Demo-cats should have taken his advice.

"Far be it from me, however, to risk appearing cynical. My proposal is that the parties and networks simply haven't gone far enough in adapting these conventions to conform to current TV sensibilities and tastes. Those aforementioned reality shows might light the path toward how to transform the conventions into a ready-for-primetime player. This will require tradeoffs in terms of decorum, of course, but it's not like the events don't jump to TV's tune already.

"For starters, each convention could pick some loudmouth--say, Pat Buchanan or James Carville--and vote them out of the hall. Catering to local TV, organizers then could stage a high-speed chase outside the venue, or maybe through it."

AHM suggested they put Ted Kennedy in a '69 Cadillac and chase him across a bridge.

"Introducing a game element, NBC could unleash obnoxious "Access Hollywood" anchor Billy Bush (a George W. Bush cousin) on the convention floors, seeing how long attendees can endure talking to him as a clock runs in the screen's corner. Perhaps even fix up delegates from different states and send them out on a dinner date, returning the next night to see whether they hit it off. (Preferably said delegates will be single, but with the Democrats, you never know.)

[Oh, that's low. True, but really low--AHM]

[Not as low as a Cadillac can sink--H]

"Nor need the conventions be a money-losing proposition. Savvy sponsors should treat the showcase like a football halftime show, with the "Rolaids Party Platform Moment," "MasterCard 'Voting Is Priceless' Sweepstakes" and "Republican National Convention: Brought to You by Halliburton."

"Hey, it's showbiz, baby,…"

And I know showbiz, baby. So, ya' want a real sponsorship suggestion? "Democratic National Convention: Brought to You by "Shout®. Want tough stains out? SHOUT® 'Em Out!"

posted by Harrison at 3:36 PM