Ahead of the Curve

Not only ahead, but waaaay ahead. So far ahead we can look back and see everyone else just thinkin' about lookin' for the curve. When are you humans gonna' start catchin' up to we canines? No wonder Lassie had to resort to draggin' people out of the house by their clothes to save Little Timmy.

Today Mr. Minority finally points out the obvious--dogs (and their people) know who makes the best Alpha. I've been tryin' to tell you people that ever since I started bloggin'!

Canines know right up front which human is worth listening to, and it's not always the ones giving us treats and ear-scratches. We want respect. We want dignity. We want to be acknowledged as the intelligent, discriminating beings that we are. Refuse us and we'll whizz on your shoes. Political correctness is not in our vocabulary. You smell bad? Cover your balls, 'cause we're comin' for you.

And I told you about columnist Burt Prelutsky's prediction months ago.

"If you want to know who's going to emerge victorious, all you really need to do is find out how many people have cats living with them and how many have dogs. The cat people, I have decided, will go overwhelmingly for Kerry; the dog lovers will do the same for Bush."

Well, now do you believe me?! "Kerry gets bitten by a survey of dog owners."

"Asked which candidate they'd trust to walk Fido, dog owners favored Mr. Bush 51% to 37%. Asked which candidate would be better for their pooch's happiness, 44% favored Mr. Bush over 37% for Mr. Kerry. But perhaps more troublesome for the Democrat is what happened when participants were asked which dog breed they most closely associated with each candidate. For Mr. Bush, two breeds tied at 20% each: the Labrador retriever, the most popular family dog in America, and the Rottweiler, often used as a guard dog. As for Mr. Kerry, 15% associated him with Labs--but 14% picked a poodle (the poll didn't specify a French poodle).

"Beyond being just good fun, the poll results hint at a more serious political issue: trust and likablity. And while this is the first year the American Kennel Club conducted the poll, dogs have a long pedigree in American politics. Desperate to bolster his family credentials after the Monica-sex-scandal, Bill Clinton ran out and got Buddy, a chocolate Lab--the breed that polls indicated was the most beloved family dog."

And, sadly, as soon as Bubba didn't need him any more, Buddy was allowed to run unsupervised and was killed by a car.

"For his part, Mr. Bush is clearly a dog lover and is confident enough in his manhood to be seen carrying Barney, his Scottish terrier.

Kerry is obviously a cat person, but he's tryin' to fake it by ownin' a dog--just like Bubba Billy tried to do.

"It's not all bad news on the dog front for Mr. Kerry, however. Asked which breed they'd prefer to be the "First Dog," 51%-27% of dog owners picked German shepherd over Scottish terrier.

Hey, I can't help it if people are ignoramuses about the superiority of terriers. 'Course there's a Chow, a Rottie, and a couple of others out here who could tell 'em a thing or three.

"Maybe if Mr. Kerry brought his shepherd, Cym, on the stump with him, he could beat his poodle image."

French Poodles and German Shepherds… Seems to me I was just talkin' about Kerry and his devotion to those twanger plunkers and jackboot lickers...

posted by Harrison at 8:21 PM