Name:Harrison Location:United States

The Original Lovable Little Fuzzball

Here's the straight stuff.

The adventures of Harrison are true.
Try a few of his Crunchy Bites for a taste.
--Alpha Human Mom

Wednesday, September 08, 2004

There's a Sucker Born Every Minute

The Mystery Guest Blogger (safe bet it isn't me) over at Meryl Yourish's site intended to reveal how cats train their humans. What MGB actually exposes is the perfect template for how Demo-cat politicians train their voters.

"Meryl and I have had an off and on discussion that I think it is high time to share with the wider world. The subject of the discussion is animal training. No, not training the animals to do what we want them to do, but vice versa. The effective training by the animals, particularly cats, of the humans they deem to allow to serve them. Anyone that owns a cat knows exactly what I'm talking about, although, except in the privacy of their own homes, and usually without witnesses or recording devices, they rarely admit it."

Now this is most revealin'. I was just visitin' an older African-American neighbor with AHM--real nice lady who lives her daily life like a conservative. She did sorta' admit it--couldn't imagine votin' for Bush and listed all the stuff the TV and papers have been sayin' about him--high unemployment (not), everything wrong in Iraq (not), millions without health care (not--which she'd know if she looked at who it was without health care, like illegals), and some other stuff. Well, AHM did her best explainin' things to her, but I could tell the lady wasn't really convinced. Poor human female was totally brainwashed.

"Two cases in point: Gracie and Tig's complete manipulation of Meryl, and the wiles of an animal that isn't even mine, Tremain, upon yours truly. Yes, Tremain isn't even my cat. He "belongs" to my sister. As if."

Sorta' like Demo-cat protesters comin' cross-country to interfere with state elections. Or how Demo-cats try to register as voters in one state when they live in another.

"While it is a well documented fact that Gracie and Tig have Ms. Yourish wrapped around their little dew claws, it's probably not the best of examples. While Meryl will go on and on about how she's trained Tig to sit up, do the NYT Crossword in pen, or some such (usually feats he only accomplishes without witnesses, btw), it's actually just a sign of the influence the little beasties are exerting upon Meryl in their day to day human behavioural maintenance program. They're teasing her with the prospect that they'll actually appear to be following her lead when she attempts to demonstrate her dominance over them to visiting humans. And however stubborn she may become about admitting it, the result usually is reminiscent of Lucy, Charlie Brown, and the Football. Yes, that would be Meryl in the sweater with the zig zag pattern, folks."

Uh huh. Can you think of a better description of how Demo-cat politicians treat their "core constituents?" The deluded will go on and on about all the stuff they'll be getting' if only a Demo-cat is elected. 'Course once the votes are in, nothin' happens--like Bubba Billy's middle-class tax cut. Or how the Demo-cats have been treatin' the African-American votin' bloc for decades. Talk about Lucy, Charlie Brown, and the Football!

"It's a daily thing in that case, and as such, not totally illustrative. The list of things that Gracie and Tig have conditioned Meryl into doing, in brutish, Pavlovian terms, is long and varied. Meryl's entire day, particularly her activities in her own home, are absolutely dominated by this conditioning. Which is why I bring up the second example, to demonstrate the absolutely Machiavellian tendencies of these completely mercenary and hedonistic creatures."

"…mercenary and hedonistic creatures." I like that. Perfect description of Demo-cat Kerry Litter and his Littermates.

"Pavlov? Machiavelli? Mercenary? Hedonisitc? How can I be so harsh? On the contrary, I'm cutting the little beasts quite a lot of slack, by large measure."

Exactly what the main stream media says whenever Republicans criticize a Demo-cat. The howls are deafening--how can Bush be so low and mean and eeeevvviilll to pick on Noble Warrior Kerry Litter? Talk about cuttin' slack--no one's even started bringin' up Kerry Litter's voting record yet. You just wait 'til Bush tries it at the debates.

"Tremain (along with Gracie, Tig, Nardo, Edloe, Oscar, and a host of others) is the epitome of what I'm talking about. Upon my arrival at my relative's house, I was greeted with suspicious observation, and the testing and evaluation began immediately. Every single action of those first few days screamed 'what can I get out of this one?' Food? Attention? My first mistake was to heed the smooth, lyrical requests for a refill of the food bowl. By putting some more into it, I might as well have tattooed "sucker" across my forehead. It just opened the door to even more demands; this appeasement, this weakening of the will, and lowering of the interspecies barrier."

Alphas, remember this story when you send your pups off to college. Right off the bat they're stuck in "appreciation" programs and "re-education classes" to teach them the proper way to think about all the liberal litter they'll be scratchin' in. Or maybe I should say the proper way not to think…

"It didn't take long, although I was willing participant. The crying at the door, the solicitations for an ear rub, the hint and overture to use the brush. They all came flooding helter skelter shortly thereafter. A master of manipulation this one - in less than two short weeks, a large portion of his devious goal was realized. I was actually paying deferential attentions to his whims. Scandalous."

Demo-cat SOP.

"It was a cathartic moment of realization, that hit me like a ton of bricks, on the day that I found myself hand feeding the little bastage chunks of my Church's Fried Chicken. No, not simply tearing off pieces and putting them on the floor (those were ignored, with a certain haughty disdain, to be certain), but hand feeding, morsel by morsel, almost to the point of mesmerization and dismissal of my own plan to enjoy my lunch, in peace. The mask came off. The charade was ended. All pretense had to be set aside. It was time to recognize the line, and stick to it."

Ya' gotta' go look at the pictures. Take a good, close look at the expression on that fe-lying's face, the way the tail is curled, ready to twitch in anticipation of snarin' his prey; the smug, sneering, satisfaction when he's got the hapless victim hand-feedin' him.

Now think of Kerry Litter's face Photoshopped into that image. Geeze! Talk about cat barf…

"It didn't help much that when this episode was revealed to Meryl, that she took great amusement from the entire situation. The cell connection was spotty at best, and I didn't quite catch what she said, as it sounded somewhat nonsensical, like phushea huipped, but the meaning was clear. I was being caught up, in a thrall, and my free will was draining away. But no more. I see it for the blatant and naked manipulation that it is now, and I will no longer be moved by the psuedo-plaintive mewings. I'm now jaded to the faux affectionate leg rubbings."

Uh oh. Now we're getting' into Billy Bob Bubba Clinton territory. Those Demo-cat voters thought "blatant" and "naked" and "leg rubbings" were just fine when he was doin' it. And if (when?) he ever tries to run for another political position, they'll be right back in the litter pan, hand-feedin' him whatever he wants.

"They affect me not. Bah!"

Yeah, yeah. All the mind-numbed Demo-cats say that too--claim they'll "vote their conscience" or pull the lever for "the best person for the job." Cough me up a hairball, already! When they get behind that curtain, they'll go for the free Kerry kitty treats every time.

So--think I should call this post a Friskies®-ing?

posted by Harrison at 1:44 PM


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