George Romero Call Your Office

Your zombies are wanderin' loose in Tennessee (d'uh)--and (insert blood-curdlin' scream here) they're votin'!

"Election records of a September special election that put Ophelia Ford in a state Senate seat show that someone may have used the name of a man who had been dead for six weeks to vote [in Memphis]. Ford, a Democrat, beat Republican challenger Terry Roland by 13 votes in a race in which 8,750 ballots were cast. The election was to replace Ford's brother John Ford, who resigned in May after being indicted on bribery charges…"

Twice. [ID: morons@gomemphis.com PW: bugmenot]

"A second dead voter cast a ballot in the September special election held to fill the seat vacated by former state senator John Ford. Like a similar case documented earlier this week, this one involves an elderly voter who died weeks before the Sept. 15 election, an investigation by The Commercial Appeal found. Both of the suspect votes occurred in Precinct 27-1, in the heart of heavily Democratic North Memphis.

Make that thrice. Except…wait for it…they're really Republicans in zombieface!

"Harold Ford Sr. [a lobbyist who served in Congress until 1997 when his son, Rep. Harold Ford Jr., succeeded him] isn't waiting for answers. Ford said…he's opened his own investigation into allegations that two dead voters cast ballots in the September state Senate race that his sister, Ophelia Ford, won by 13 votes. Ford said he's not prepared to make any accusations, yet suggested evidence of any skulduggery will lead to Republicans, not his own Democratic Party…

"Requesting a criminal probe, Shelby County Election Commission Chairman Greg Duckett said he believes as many as five ballots may have been forged in heavily Democratic Precinct 27-1. Those ballots include the two cast in the names of dead voters as well as three others, he said."

Okay. Enough's enough. If those Demo-cats are gonna' bring back their dead to vote, I say we bring back some of our own—startin' with this one:

"Since the death of Ronald Reagan, various ghostly phenomena have been reported up at the Reagan Ranch in the hills above Santa Barbara. Visitors to the ranch have reported seeing a peculiar figure in a cowboy hat and jean jacket, riding a galloping horse near the perimeter of the rugged 688-acre property. When guests ask at the office about the historical reenactment, the baffled staffers say, “There is no one at the ranch matching that description.”

Works for me.

posted by Harrison at 8:35 PM