Lousy Beat…Ya' Can't Dance To It
Every Christmas season there's gotta' be at least 1,000 radios destroyed by humans drop-kickin' 'em across the room when some sadistic DJ cues up the ole' Singing Dogs version of Jingle Bells. Well, 50 years later, I guess you humans are gettin' back at us. (Don't believe it's fifty years? You doubt me?)
The whole music as pet therapy bu$ine$$ is gettin' bigger every year. Whole litters of people with strings of letters after their names are studyin' and explain' what we canines (and other pets) like and why. I imagine a whole bunch of these Useless Gifts (Part V) will be showin' up in Christmas stockings. (See Part I for "dog-touchin' tunes" and Part IV for a link to fe-lyin' CDs.)
NPR even gets into the act, 'tho I suppose it's better than lettin' 'em talk politics.
"Musician and producer Skip Haynes…created [a CD, "Ask the Animals: Songs to Make Dogs Happy!"]…in conjunction with an "animal communicator," Dr. Kim Ogden-Avrutik, who served as a sort of translator during focus groups to test out the music."
Ever notice how all those "animal communicator" people have two last names? Guess they're tryin' to identify with us show-biz types who all have impossibly long, pretentious monikers.
"Among the revelations: Some kinds of percussion (too much like gunshots) and the word "no" (not popular among many species) are not popular among dog listeners."
Gee, d'ya' think?
"Notable titles on the disc include "I'll Be Back," "I Love Food," and what Haynes says is the album's No. 1 hit, "Squeaky-Deakey!"
I know what I'd like to squeaky-deakey on that guy. But for amusement there is the unintentionally suggestive "Scratch My Back." (Go listen for a quick thrill.) In the interest of informin' our readers, AHM played the samples for our resident music critic--my kid Hem. He listened for 'bout ten seconds, went to his bed, rucked it up a whole bunch, turned 'round three times, yawned, and went to sleep. Think that's a paws down.
Along those same lines, Freda sent us this link for a CD of another human singin' 'bout dogs—for dogs. Hem slept through that one too.
One enterprisin' tunesmith will even custom make a song, just for your special animal.
"Your very own Custom made song of any style can be created about your dog or cat, which will include the name(s) and any personality traits, good or baaad! The style of music is up to you!"
The Sounds of Silence comes to mind.
Everyone seems to think if ya' put a CD on continuous loop when ya' leave us alone we won't trash the house. Think again. Would you wanna' listen to the same songs over and over and over and over and over…?
But no Christmas season would be complete without some fool offerin' somethin' like this—Chewbacca does it to Christmas…carols.* He gives Silent Night a whole new meanin'. Click at your own risk. I mean that. Really. You have been warned.
*Dug up at NRO's The Corner
posted by Harrison at 3:10 PM