Exposé

I'm here to tell ya', whatever they say, Punxy Phil did not see his shadow this mornin'. That's just somethin' Halliburton made up so we'd accept higher heatin' oil prices.

"Punxsutawney Phil was pulled from his stump just after sunrise and held aloft by handler Bill Deeley. The groundhog was draped in a Steelers Terrible Towel and then lowered to look for his shadow. Despite overcast skies, Phil was declared to have seen it."

Now to the real story.

A bunch of fools wearin' top hats (yeah, really) hauled Phil outta' bed at some God-awful hour to face a crowd of 10,000 people all yellin' and flappin' towels. Bein' a self-respectin' animal, Phil took one look at all those towels and came to the obvious conclusion:

Run for your life! BAAAAAATH!!

And that's the truth…

posted by Harrison at 3:21 PM