Name:Harrison Location:United States

The Original Lovable Little Fuzzball

Here's the straight stuff.

The adventures of Harrison are true.
Try a few of his Crunchy Bites for a taste.
--Alpha Human Mom

Thursday, July 29, 2004

Rat Terrorism

You've probably read that quote under our picture at the top. Jonah Goldberg at NRO understands the way of the world when it comes to who's really pullin' their weight in the War on Terror.

But just in case you fe-lying lovers out there think Jonah (and me) are being unduly harsh in our judgment, here's proof cats don't give a hairball about the terrorist threats we face.

"Portland resident Jason Reinhardt watches them on late-night walks around the waterfront. “I can see tons of them climbing up from the roped tires hanging over the river. They’re huge, and they’re not afraid of much,” he said.

"Rats are in no way new Portland residents, but local rat encounters like Reinhardt’s seem to be infiltrating office and happy hour conversations all over the city. Even local exterminators have noticed a pickup in their rat calls.
“We’re all in shock with the amount of rodents the city has to deal with,” Larsen said. “It used to be that we got more calls once the rains started and the rats moved inside, but nowadays the rodent season is year-round.”

Proof the fe-lyings are falling down on the job. Cats catch rats. (Jack Russells are supposed to do rats too, but ever since Eddie hit it big on Fraiser they're all obsessing about getting into show biz.)

"Bird lovers also may be inadvertently luring rats to their neighborhoods. “You’ll get a single individual who decides to feed pigeons in the park, for example, and rats start migrating to that area and the infestation becomes really obvious,” said county health officer Oxman"

That's what ya' get for feeding the pigeons, fool. And they don't appreciate it, either. All they give back is a white shower of poop. Just ask Rich Lowry over at NRO. ('Course he is covering the Demo-cat Convention so it might have been fallout from some of those shitty speeches.)

“Rodents were approaching people where they ate. When you see rats in the middle of the day, you know it’s bad,” Larsen said. “We set up 24 bait stations and we went through 28 pounds of rat poison in the first two weeks.”

Of course if all those people were walking with a dog they wouldn't have to worry about being approached by panhandling rats. You can't walk a cat on a leash, ya' know.

"But outside of encouraging people to keep their surroundings rodent-free, rats are going to coexist with humans. “There’s not a lot you can do to curb an entire rat population, besides taking away the food source,” said Ruedas, who then joked about unleashing wild cats into the city.

Yeah, cats are a joke, all right.

"But don’t laugh off the cat solution too quickly, said PGE Park spokesman Collin Romer. He’s referring to the notorious pack of feral cats — more than a dozen in all — that inhabit the area behind the bullpen in left field. PGE employees, who dubbed the area “Feral Cat Alley,” have even set up a feline feeding station. “A stadium has a lot of food scraps, and to not see a rat in four years — well, we owe that to the cats,” Romer said. “If the city has a problem with rats, I’d recommend some wild cats.”

Well, stop feeding the deadbeats, you idiot, and maybe they'll have to hunt for their own food like--oh--rats!

"Other creative suggestions to curb the local rat population: mandatory compost caps; a city-led rat campaign to raise awareness among the public; and even feeding the rodents birth control pills."

They'll have to check with the Scots to see if this plan will bear fruit--er--not bear fruit, that is. (No info on whether Planned Parenthood is offering free abortions.)

"So Portland rats — veiled in a kind of urban hear-no-evil, see-no-evil — may for now go officially uncounted."

Kinda' sounds like our immigration policy toward Muslims, doesn't it?

posted by Harrison at 1:56 PM


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