Dogs Who Blog
"Internet Goes to the Dogs with Blawgers"
"Baptizing themselves blawgers, some people are choosing to write online diaries not as themselves but as their canine companions. One of the most infamous dog blogs -- written from the perspective of Paris Hilton's chihuahua, Tinkerbell -- is being turned into a book, which will hit Canadian stores this September."
"Blawgers?" Whose crappy idea was that? Not mine, that's for sure. Dlogers maybe. Even Plawgers. Blawgers sounds like a name for a cat blog. Say it while hacking up a fur ball and you sorta' got the same sound.
"I thought about a frustrated, working-class person forced to live alongside Paris Hilton as her pet and the (blog) wrote itself," says Dong Resin, the pseudonymous author of The Tinkerbell Hilton Diaries."
Tinkerbell? Only Paris Hilton would stick a dog with a name like Tinkerbell. Even if it was only a chihuahua. Then again, maybe it's something about their chihuahua-ness that tempts people to plaster them with stupid-ass names--like Pumpkin.
"In February, when Resin first penned his fictional diary of Hilton's exploits, each entry was as unforgiving as it was witty. An editor at Warner Books saw the series of Internet posts and helped him turn the material into a full-length book."
So the chihuahua gets a book deal and I get nada? What does Tinkerbell know about life? Okay, so she probably does have more brains than Paris Hilton--that's not sayin' much, ya' know. And don't think I'm gonna' buy the book to find out. Probably just a bunch of sleaze and porn anyway. You want sleaze and porn? I can give you sleaze and porn. Let me just tell ya' about…
[Not now, Harrison--AHM]
[Oh, all right. But I'm gonna' do it someday--H]
"According to University of British Columbia professor Stanley Coren, a world-renowned dog behaviourist and psychologist, dog blogging is a sign of affection. Although most blawgers have naive perceptions of how their pets think, he says trying to adopt a dog's point of view can be a healthy exercise."
He must be talkin' about Silly Human Female's "naïve perceptions" because AHM understands us pretty well. 'Course it's easy with the pups since they have a totally one-track point of view--leading straight to food.
I, on the other paw, understand the more subtle nuances of communication--the long-suffering sigh, the well-timed, drawn-out yarraugh. Both are really good to use if one of AHM's music students is having a bad lesson. Embarrasses the shit out of them, but they deserve it. (And it's more polite than howling which is what my kid Hemingway does.) I've also perfected the cold, aristocratic stare for those jerks who call me "cute." (Then I piss on their shoes.)
"If we love (our dogs) dearly, we're always trying to crawl inside their heads and figure out what's going on," he says. "And if we love them dearly enough, we want other people to share in the dog's expertise."
Share my expertise, huh? Okay, here's some (from me, not AHM) for wanna' be show business dogs. (You know who you are. Your human got suckered into payin' big bucks because someone waved around a paper full of fancy names that no one will ever know much less actually call you. When you get back to their place you'll end up being Chipper or Spot or Gonzo--or Tinkerbell.)
Anyway, when (if?) you ever get into the show ring, use body language to make your point and pad your success. Got a male judge? Swagger. Puff out your chest. Hold that tail and chin up. Stride out when you circle the ring. If it's a female judge, flirt. Look her straight in the eye and smile. Add an extra wiggle to your butt when you're walkin' up and back. (Women love a sexy butt.) Cock your head a little when you look up at her and flash another biiiiiggg smile, with a little wink if you can master it. (Naturally you females out there will want reverse the order unless you know somethin' special about the judge. But don't go getting' toooo Alpha. That could backfire.)
And while we're on the subject of expertise--let's see Mr. squiffy dog behaviourist Coren stand up on one of those rubber-topped tables and smile nice while getting groped from one end to the other.
"Very often, we use the positive image that dogs present as a way of shedding a positive image on ourselves," Coren explains."
Yeah well, you can try. SHF tried to use us all the time--passing herself off as a dog person all the while bein' sneakier and lower than a fe-lying.
Someday I'll tell the stories…
posted by Harrison at 4:13 PM
Nice blog. Please vist my dogs blog.2:00 AM
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