Name:Harrison Location:United States

The Original Lovable Little Fuzzball

Here's the straight stuff.

The adventures of Harrison are true.
Try a few of his Crunchy Bites for a taste.
--Alpha Human Mom

Friday, July 16, 2004

Pandemic Pet Pudginess

I was sorry to read about Willow's problems over at Meryl Yourish's blog. Dieting--yeech. Never had to myself. AHM doesn't let anyone feed us from the table and there's none of that leaving the food down all day long. And now Meryl is stuck with putting Tig and Gracie on a diet too! Yeah, they really did look pissed off. No one around here likes having their toenails clipped. Mostly we suck it up, but one or two of the pups always have to do their version of Wrestlemania with the vet.

So for those people having trouble with pet diets, I ran across this article that might help. Now there's another option

"It's a dog-eat-too-much world"
"The only evidence of the waddling and the slowness and the shortness of breath is two small rectangles of shaved hair enveloping two inch-long scars. That's where the veterinarian sucked the fat from Pumpkin's hips."

Yes, you read that correctly. It's pup liposuction! Pumpkin no longer looks quite so much like a--well--pumpkin. Ever notice how human's names for pets always seem to morph into the pet's personalities? Hmmm--something to think about when you get that new baby pet.

"It was about three quarters of a pound of fat," confided owner Jessie Schultz. "Before, it was really an effort for her to walk."

"Now she trots, a little brown sausage of a Chihuahua on four short, sturdy legs. On a recent visit to Boca Greens Animal Hospital in Boca Raton, she weighed 11.4 pounds, down from 12.1. That's good progress, said visiting registered veterinary technician Heather Prendergast, but Pumpkin — how to put this delicately? — is still one whopping Chihuahua. Perhaps a firmer hand in monitoring and doling out the food, Prendergast advised.

"How the hell can I measure calories for a dog?" Schultz asked.

"Try, said Prendergast."

I'm guessing here that Schultz is no Svelte Suzy herself. I imagine them strolling down the street with the thunder of thighs and wheeze of bellows echoing back and forth from Schultz to Pumpkin.

"The best thing you can do is don't let your pets get overweight," she said. "But if they are, work on getting the weight off. We need to control what they eat."

"That can be hard, said Brian Boss, a veterinarian at Boca Greens, because pet owners tend to equate food with love. They reward their pets for being so good with high-fat treats. And many pets don't get enough exercise, he said, perhaps because it's so hot in the summer and because it's harder for senior pet owners to take their pets out for a walk or to play. "Walking around the block really isn't enough exercise," Boss said.

It is if you're a foot high and a foot and a half long, buster! Don't forget I have to take a half-dozen steps for every one AHM takes--and she's no piker when it comes to her evening power walks. 'Course I do plenty of running around on fe-lying patrol.

"Another problem is that people get very defensive about their pets. Often, when the veterinarian gently suggests the pet is overweight, the sputtering starts: But but but ... he's not fat, he's fluffy. He's big-boned. He's just right.

His belly is supposed to drag on the ground!

"Prendergast advised Schultz to give Pumpkin and her other dog, Angel, just the low-calorie food, rather than mixing it with chicken. Also, maybe cut down on the treats and try not to share the morning croissant with Pumpkin.

Schultz protested a little. "I don't think chicken is bad for them."

"Remember, it's our overall calorie content that we have to think about it," Prendergast said. "I think maybe they're eating a little bit more than we realize."

Schultz shrugged. It's just that the kiddos like their dessert of a dog cookie, which they get after making a poop, she said. It's the calories in the cookies, though, that add up, Prendergast reminded.

Dessert for making a poop? Oh pu-leeze! This broad sounds like Silly Human Female. The bitches thought SHF was wonderful, always sneaking them treats when AHM wasn't looking. (Until they had to go on a diet, that is.) Of course, I knew it was just a bribe. SHF is an Omega-human. (Actually if there was a Greek letter lower than Omega, she'd be that.) No one listened to her, so she used bribery to get attention. We knew. So we used her.

That's our job.

posted by Harrison at 2:13 PM


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