Remember when she’d used to say “If you eat one more marshmallow Peep you’re gonna’ explode!”

“The Coffin Blew Up

”Many Difficulties Attend the Burial of Mrs. John Peterson

“Sedalia, Mo., July 21 [1890]—A most singular burial took place at Springfork, fifteen miles distant from this city, Saturday. […] Last Thursday Mrs. Peterson died of dropsy. At the time of her death she was a remarkably large woman, weighing nearly three hundred pounds.

“Immediately after Mrs. Peterson died arrangements were made for the funeral. The largest casket to be procured in this city was the exact measurement required at the time of death, but as it was not delivered until Friday morning the body had swollen so much that it was crowded into the casket with much difficulty. The lid was then screwed down, and the body left in that condition for burial. Ice could not be procured. The funeral services were set for Saturday afternoon and, as is customary, a number of neighbors acted as watchers Friday night. At midnight the watchers were startled by a loud report in the room where the coffin had been placed. It was found that the gases of the body had accumulated within the casket until their force burst the glass over the face of Mrs. Peterson. So great was the force of the explosion that the body was shot forward and upward, the head protruding from the coffin.”

And the story only gets better—if possible.

“A consultation was held and it was decided that owing to the condition of the body the burial should take place at once.”

At midnight. The ideal time to head out to the graveyard with a 300 pound body hangin’ out of an exploded coffin.

”The grave having been prepared the coffin was carried to the burial place and strong ropes were placed under the casket. Just as the coffin was being lowered one of the assistants let go of his end of the rope. This threw the weight to the head of the coffin and the ropes were jerked from the hands of the men stationed there. The coffin fell with great force, head down, and burst into pieces. Another consultation was held and it was decided to fill up the grave at once without waiting for another casket.”

The original news clipping was dug up at the Improbable Research Blog.

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posted by Harrison at 9:06 PM

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Aka ventriloquist dummies. Scary pics, ‘specially when ya’ consider who they look like. We all thought this one was Nancy Pelosi ‘til we noticed it was supposed to be a boy!

Hillary’s there too, ‘tho I don’t suppose that was the creator’s intent.

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posted by Harrison at 7:54 PM

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Twitter is rockin’ out over news mega retailer Juicy Couture is cuttin’ employee hours to avoid payin’ for Obamacare. Wonder how those employees—who probably all voted for the Mutt ‘cause they’re from New York City—feel about the Mutt’s pups once again frolickin’, this time on the snowy slopes of Sun Valley? They deserve their privacy don’cha’know, and Obama-votin’ workers deserve what they get. In other news, the White House is still closed to common citizens who foot the bills. In other news—hahahahahahahahaha!

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posted by Harrison at 8:24 PM

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It's always 'bout the money.

Marital status is relevant in more than 1,100 federal laws that include estate taxes, Social Security survivor benefits and health benefits for federal employees.

You're talkin' lots of taxpayer Liver Snaps™, there.

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posted by Harrison at 7:08 AM

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What’s in a name?

There’s some fool named Touré over at MSNBC and Twitter who’s trashin’ Dr. Ben Carson right, left, and sideways for bein’ a black man who doesn’t toe the Democat line. He’s even gone back to the stupid “you didn’t build that” meme by sayin’ Dr. Carson used government loans to finance his education. Well, Touré is really Toure Neblett, Emory college dropout. Neblett! Neblett! Sounds like that little piece of corn that gets stuck between your teeth when you’re gnawin’ on a cob. Just as annoyin’, too.

Sun and Coca-Cola®

The Mutt’s pups get to frolic their Spring vacation away in the Bahamas with taxpayer-funded Secret Service protection. Average American schoolkids, who saved all year to visit Washington, DC and the White House, are locked out by the Obama Administration ‘cause they can’t afford the Secret Service protection for tours. Anyone who claims the little darlin’s deserve their privacy in this situation really, really doesn’t get it.

He should have been called a Demo-Cat Burglar

”He identified a Robin Hood streak in himself, too, asserting in his memoirs that he had been “sent by God to take back some of the wealth that the outrageously rich had taken from the rest of us”. “Scott was also a past-master in self-justification of his crimes and misdemeanors: “The people I burgled got rich by greed and skullduggery. They indulged in the mechanics of ostentation — they deserved me and I deserved them.”

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posted by Harrison at 8:37 PM

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When AHM added that title to this post I didn’t think it was right. Turns out it’s exactly the right expression when talkin’ about Debbie Wasserman Schultz and Jim Moran—the guy whose son aided ‘n abetted voter fraud in Virginia.

”On Tuesday, FL Rep. Debbie Wasserman Schultz and her colleague VA Rep. Jim Moran openly whined about the impacts of spending cuts on their personal office budgets. Moran fretted that, with the looming sequester cuts, he may have to cut one staffer from his office. Wasserman Schultz upped his ante, however. She, almost literally, suggested that her staff were on the brink of starvation, due to the cuts.”

Accordin’ to our Google search:

”The exact phrase "high off the hog" can be found in the San Francisco newspaper, Call Bulletin in May 1946. The sentence says, "I have to do my shopping in the black market because we can't eat as high off the hog as Roosevelt and Ickes and Joe Davis and all those millionaire friends of the common man."

For the low information voters out there, those guys were all Democats! These days we have the food stamp credit card created by another set of Democats and paid for by—who else—“the common man.” New York has taken the next logical step.

”The Pet Food Stamps program, a registered NYS non-profit corporation, has been created to fill the void in the United States Food Stamp program which excludes the purchase of pet food and pet supplies.

And they intend to expand into—you guessed it—Obamacare for pets.

With the continued growth of the Pet Food Stamps program, it is expected in the 4th quarter 2013 to expand into offering free or heavily discounted veterinary care for all qualified program beneficiaries as part of the Pet Food Stamps program.

BUT—at least their funding is voluntary. So far. What no one has figured out, ‘cause they’re all probably low information Democat voters, ya’ can feed your pets using food stamps. Take a minute (or two or ten—it’s a long list) to read through the ingredients of organic dog food and you’ll see most of the ingredients are sold at any market. Dog (and fe-lyin’) food makers just put it all together for convenience. Even if ya’ aren’t as hard up as some, mixin’ in stuff like rice and green beans is a healthy way to go.

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posted by Harrison at 9:06 AM

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…now Easter is once again in the crosshairs.

"In our increasingly politically-correct society, Christmas isn’t the only holiday too hot to handle for school districts. Easter, another holiday rooted in Christian faith, is now being marginalized by governmental entities. […] "Does it matter that they’re detaching “Easter” from “egg hunts”? After all, the original significance of the day has nothing to do with bunnies, candy or hunting painted eggs. It does, because “culturally sensitive” bureaucrats are further secularizing America by wiping Christian names off traditional community events."

Lots of people like to howl it’s just a pagan holiday appropriated by Christians, but it’s really a reminder of rebirth and new life, which is the foundation of Christianity. Progressives wanna’ make sure future generations believe in nothin’—so they’ll fall for anything. So far they’re winnin’--it worked for The Mutt, didn’t it?

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posted by Harrison at 8:11 AM

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National Puppy Day Not sure when they celebrate Useless Fe-lyin’ Day.

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posted by Harrison at 9:40 AM

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…to that Russian Commie Blue (and any other misguided fe-yings out there). Without dogs there’d be no world as we know it for him to hack up putrid hairballs like this:

“Luigi Proud DemoCat!‏ [Twitter handle removed]@hardball @hardball_chris I heard @SenTedCruz worships Satan in his basement and screws 7 year old virgins on his alter before killing them”

Ya’ can tell from his Twitter description he’s nothin’ more than a mangy alley cat prancin’ along the back fence at midnight yowlin’ in ball-less frustration.

“My name is Luigi and I'm a DemoCat! Discrimination & prejudice are not American Values, so Republicans are Un-American! Dallas, Texas”

Fe-lyings are just pathetic…

“Luigi Proud DemoCat!‏ [Twitter handle removed]So, @laurawbush, the bigoted cunt who murdered her boyfriend wants 2 b removed from an equality ad? No surprise there @politicsnation @msnbc”

…and inferior…

“Dogs have spent thousands of years earning the title “man’s best friend” while cats spent that time perfecting the art of spitting up hairballs. Your dog would rather sleep outside on the ground with you than inside a warm, comfortable house. Your cat is kind of hoping you’ll die so he can eat you. Dogs use the bathroom outside. Cats stink up your house by insisting on using a litter box. Dogs are renowned for their loyalty. Cats are mainly known for murdering small animals and dropping them in front of their owners in an attempt to horrify and intimidate them. The very fact that dogs chase cats is actually proof that they’re concerned about the welfare of human beings and are trying to stop them from getting cat cooties.”

…and should be eliminated. Canines, OTOH, are demonstratively superior.

“Yawn next to your dog, and she may do the same. Though it seems simple, this contagious behavior is actually quite remarkable: Only a few animals do it, and only dogs cross the species barrier. Now a new study finds that dogs yawn even when they only hear the sound of us yawning, the strongest evidence yet that canines may be able to empathize with us.”

If a fe-lyin’ screeches on a trash heap, does anybody hear? Does anyone besides Chris Matthews care? Bite me!

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posted by Harrison at 9:16 PM

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From the state that gave us Snookie…

"The weapon in the photo, posted by his dad on Facebook, resembles a military-style assault rifle but, his father says, is actually just a .22-caliber copy. And that, the family believes, is why child welfare case workers and police officers visited the home in Carneys Point last Friday and asked to see his guns. "In this case, the family believes someone called New Jersey’s anonymous child abuse hotline."

What I wanna’ know is, what kind of person trolls Facebook lookin’ for pics of little boys holdin’ guns?

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posted by Harrison at 3:05 PM

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Getting’ up to speed on Twitter in spite of that ole’ dog new tricks problem. AHM works seven days a week so considerin’ I still have that pesky opposable thumbs issue, havin’ her post my tweets is hit or miss by a mile. (Everything is behind a firewall at that liberal litter pan agency of hers. Not sure how so many other govt. people manage to get in trouble porn-surfin’. Oh, yeah. Almost forgot they’re all Weinerized liberals!) Actually I wasn’t even gonna’ try except I ran across a truly vile beast of a Democat fe-lyin’ spittin’ ‘n hissin’ his crude tweets at anyone who doesn’t think like him. Gotta’ call the lyin’ Russian Commie Blue out once and a while. I’ll get it eventually. As every fe-lyin’ in the neighborhood has discovered, terriers are tenacious

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posted by Harrison at 12:20 PM

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Re-enterin’ the Ring

Ya’ know, four years ago I thought I was retirin’ from the bloggin’ business. AHM’s work in the “Belly of the Beast”—a litter pan liberal health agency—meant it was dangerous to be too outspoken in opposition to Obama (henceforth to be known as “The Mutt”). But when the willfully ignorant masses had a collective cat fart last November, I figured it was time to flex these arthritic paws and return to the ring. So, when Gov. Hickenlooper (a name I wouldn’t wish on a fe-lyin’!) signed the Colorado gun ban yesterday I knew it was time to take Kurt Schlichter’s advice. Take a good look at our family portrait up at the top, Gov. Hairball. Bite Me!

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posted by Harrison at 11:21 PM

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